I found this list on another blog and thought it would be helpful to post. I have had a lot of people tell me they just don't know what to do for me, so here you go! I loved this list and I added a few things to it as well...
1. First and foremost TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if it uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.
2. If you didn't know the person at all or very well, ask to hear about them and learn of them through stories.
3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief.
4. Saying things like, "They are in a better place," or "This too shall pass..." really isn't comforting. It makes the bereaved feel like the place they had with them wasn't good or that the pain will go away eventually.
5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm SO sorry you have to go through this."
6. If the person needs to analyze the circumstances surrounding the death, let them just talk and rehash anything as many times as they need to.
7. Don't assume they are ever "better." It never gets better and will be a part of them for the rest of their lives.
8. Don't underestimate how frazzled, abscent minded & spacey grief can make you.
9. Pamper them if you have means. Retail Therapy works great! So did pedicures and getting my hair done, I felt awful on the inside, at least I could try to feel good about me on the outside.
10. Love notes. Emails. Thinking of You cards. Thinking of the bereaved person cards.
11. Do not, I stress Do not get offended if your loved one doesn't answer his/her phone or return your calls. Don't assume that they don't appreciate your effort. It's just that someone bereaved doesn't want to put on a "happy voice" and burden everyone with their grief.
12. Most bereaved people will not offer information on how they are doing unless they truly feel like you want to know.
13. Validate.Validate.Validate. Please whatever you do, don't compare your loved ones loss to someone elses' "harder loss". Every loss is hard. Comparing makes the person feel like they shouldn't struggle because it could be worse.
14. Serve. Even the smallest act of service makes a huge impact.
15. Just make sure they know you love them. Be a shoulder to cry on.
Maylee had her 1 year well check today and weighed in at almost 16 lbs. Her doctor weighed her twice and took the bigger number :) That put her in the .3% (yes, point three) for weight... I was told again not to worry that she is so small because she is following a normal growth pattern and is healthy. She is 27 inches tall (4th %) and ended up having an ear infection...again. So, no forward facing car seat for her for a long while!Birthday celebrations! To celebrate Skylar and Maylee's birthdays, we visited "daddy's dirt" and released balloons in to the sky. I will post about that later when I get the pictures. I had my camera but of course forgot to put the card in it:) My dad saved me and brought his camera...
For dinner, we met up with my family and Skylar's family at Texas Roadhouse! I brought cupcakes for Maylee's birthday and she opened presents there as well.
Blowing out her birthday cupcake!
YUM! She thoroughly enjoyed her cupcake.
Sweet Daisy doing what she does best....smiling!
Maylee got to sit on the saddle and we sang Happy Birthday to her. She LOVED it!
Checking out the menu!
Momma and Maylee
Kambri let Maylee borrow her birthday tutu but Maylee wanted nothing to do with it! She hated that it touched her arms, haha!
Gorgeous Maylee. We love her so much!
Maylee loves taking baths and will make her way into the bathroom and yell, "bubba", letting me know she is ready to play in the bubbles!
It gets pretty crazy with all of them in there but they sure do love it and I sure do love them!Today is a special day because we are celebrating two birthdays! Skylar would have been 28 years old and Maylee turns 1 today!! Its a bittersweet day with so many different emotions. I am grateful that Maylee will always have this day that she shared with her daddy.
Maylee was born 3 weeks early via c-section. She was not growing properly in utero and my doctors didn't know why and wanted her out incase there was something wrong that they could not see. I had my first amnio at 35 weeks but Maylee's lungs ended up not being mature enough. I had the second amnio at 36 weeks and she was finally ready enough... So, the next day at 1:49pm Maylee entered this world. She was purple and struggling to breathe because she had fluid in her lungs. The nurses worked on her and were able to get her stable enough for me to see her. I will never forget the awful gasping noises she was making in order to get some air. She was then taken to the NICU where she stayed for the next few days.
I finally got to see her again early the next morning and she had an oxygen bubble over her head. It was really hard to see her that way but Skylar reassured me that she was fine. And he was right, like always. Maylee was able to come home with me when I was released a few days later. The only thing my doctors found was that the placenta had been dying but it was giving Maylee the life support she needed so they were stumped as to why she wasn't growing. She has been a huge blessing to our family.
Maylee's 1st photo shoot:
Maylee loves this toy! She was terrified of it at first but that is because Slade put her on there and zoomed her around the room. Now she can push it by herself and she enjoys slow rides around the house.
Everyday Maylee takes more and more independent steps and it is so funny to watch her walk because she is so tiny. Her birthday is just a couple weeks away but she is still wearing 3-6 month size clothes and a size 1 shoe! She is so very different than her brother and sister but I love it! She has quite the personality and keeps us laughing. She is such a joy! Three2U is having their first concert in 7 years! It's called, "Evening of Inspiration...the stories behind the songs!" and they will be featuring people who have passed away, Skylar being one of them. I sent them a few pictures of him for what I understand is some kind of slide show that will be shown. It will take place at Gilbert High on Saturday February 6th, at 7pm. Singers also include Debbie West Coon, Michele Baer and Freddie Ashby (who sang at Skylar's funeral). If you would like to attend, there are discount tickets available for $5 at http://wonderfuleveningofinspiration.blogspot.com/ if you purchase before January 31st.
See you there!!
